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True Like That

In My MIx

8/20/06 10:31 am - Circles

Ever meet someone and know exactly where they are in their life? I was talking with someone this week and totally felt this connection to where they are. It made me think just how far I’ve come since I was in the same place. Of course, it got me thinking about Tony. But then, that’s to be expected.

I met Tony in my freshman year of college. We both knew we were gay so no coming out drama necessary. Within a semester we were roommates and would remain so for the rest of our 4 years there. After graduation we found a place we both could afford and set up housekeeping for real. We had shared dreams, one of them to move to NYC and pursue our chosen careers there. Five and a half years went by and we had achieved some success, though not exactly in our college majors. We thought maybe it was time to make the move and spent hours planning. Fate, however, intervened and that was not to be. I was working late and got a call. Tony had been in an auto accident on his way home and was in critical condition. He didn’t even live until the end of the week.

I thought my life was over but still there was more to come. My mother died less than a year later. My father had died when I was a teenager. Mama left a diary, which I initially cherished. Unbelievably she detailed an affair she had had while she was married to Dad. It was with a white man…and he was my father, my birth father. Incredibly the affair lasted so long he also fathered my younger brother. Apparently mama had figured out Dad couldn’t father any children and had decided to keep the pregnancies from her affair! I tried to understand her reasoning, she was light skinned, and it could be explained. My dad was dark as a berry so everyone always joked we took after mama…or the milkman. Mama religiously took me and my brother to the barber, we stayed bald our entire childhoods. I guess I know why now.

So there I was, two important people taken from my life; no scratch that, three people. I still considered the man I thought to be my dad, my dad, but now someone else was genetically my father. I got pretty screwed up at this point. I figured nothing could be counted on. I decided to live for pleasure and take whatever I wanted from life.
I guess this can be explained. Wasn’t my pain more important than everyone else’s? What a drama queen I became! I lost the love of my life, my daddy ain’t my daddy. Nothing lasts. What I forgot is that other people have pain too. I entered into a lot of different sexual relationships and I had lots of fabulous reasons why what I was doing made perfect sense. Of course I was right, everyone else was wrong. I lost a few friends at this point.

Thank god I grew through this. Apparently the world doesn’t entirely revolve around me and my pain . I think things happen for a reason and my recent conversation allowed me to see how far I’ve come. It’s an interesting thing to see something in someone that they have no insight about, in fact they have all kinds of great arguments why they are right. What my friends must have gone through when I was in that space! I think god now for the time I had with Tony, it’s not something everyone gets. I had a dad, no question. A father is someone who shared your life, not your blood. I finally made the move to NYC and that has been wonderful. Life is good.

8/11/06 10:55 am - The "Friendly" Skies

Well, I'm flying out of LAX today. The company I worked for kicked two competing companies out of southern California and I had to fly out to be part of the aftermath. Anyhow, I didn't want to check a bag so every liquid item I carried with me went into the trash this morning. I am just so glad that my laptop and MP3 player can go with me. It's a drag tossing the stuff but hey, things could be worse.

8/3/06 11:45 pm - It comes, then it goes

I tried to help a friend of mine buy one of those shades that goes in your front car window to keep down the heat. Ok, I know the first problem with that is that he has a car in the city anyway, actually that's not the first problem, that would be his living in Brooklyn. Anyhow, with the heat wave he wanted to start using the sunshade. Sure I knew what it is, I had one back when I had a car. First they were cardboard and could be turned around and it would say something like "Call 911" on the backside. Then they were shiney and metallic, then like screens. What are they now? Really hard to find. We went from store to store and nothing. It got me thinking how stuff is suddenly popular and then gone. It's like someone decides that something will be popular and then like cattle people line up to buy or participate. Look at Soduku. No one knew what the crap that was and now it's in books and even an electronic version. Where will it be tomorrow? Forgotten. So anyway, why can't I come up with the next big thing and make my scratch? What's a boy to do?

7/30/06 01:25 pm - Rehoboth Beach

Well, for a few years I've watched people head off in the summer to Fire Island, the Hamptons and Rehoboth Beach. This year I made the pilgrimage too. Now I ask myself why. I don't need the sun. The bars are Ok and fortunately not as filled with Manhattanites as other destinations are. So new faces are a plus. I tried the beach once but after the endless spinning of Cher for us beachgoers I decided I needed other daytime activities.
Shopping was one of the other activities my housemates enjoyed so I gave it a try. Some very tired shops in RB but good outlets if you are like that kind of thing. We also managed to take in a movie. Everything was sold out except My Super Ex-Girlfriend. It was not even half filled, which should have been a tip off. I love Uma, in fact it's hard to fault the cast (except for maybe Eddie Izzard who seemed badly miscast). Once upon a time there was a clever idea here. My friends and I talked about getting revenge on former boyfriends and there was some concensus that having super powers would be nice. Most of my friends don't have relationships beyond three months so no doubt they would be busy.
Ok, so glad to be back in NYC, which has everything a gay man could possibly want. Peace.

7/20/06 01:17 pm

Yeah well, ok, I started this journal and then didn't write anything. Kinda sorry I told so many people to check it out, ok people?
LOL. Seriously, got a little busy. Still want to add folk to my friends list. Give me somethin to read people and I'll show up and write somethin too!

7/11/06 11:25 am







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7/11/06 10:06 am - Is clerking a art or a science?

I was in lower Manhattan over the weekend and stepped into Duane Reade. I walked up to the cash register to pay, behind only one other man. The clerk finished with him and immediately seem to demand she help me, not giving the man ahead time to step out the way. There was no one behind me and everyone could have used the 3 seconds the man needed to step away from the counter but no, gotta keep the line moving. I'm sure this would be appreciated during busy periods but hey maybe chill once in a while. What was funny she moved me along at the same speed, calling out next customer please when she handed back my change. Kinda funny since no one was behind me.
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